Waking Up In Vegas
by mondaymocha
Summary: Zero and Kaname are faced with the task of riding a plane together after Yuuki decided on a much needed vacation, and the two struggle not to suffocate on the tension between them. But things take a turn for the worse when the plane unexpectedly lands in Las Vegas. KanaZe. Crack and OOCness. Re-continued, cause I lied.
1. Plane

Disclaimer: Vampire Knight belongs to Matsuri Hino. I own NOTHING.

**Waking Up In Vegas**

Chapter One - Plane

"_Vacation?!" Zero and Kaname said in unison._

"_Yes!" Yuuki zipped up her last suitcase and set it upright like the other two. "We've all been working so hard, so I thought a break was in order!"_

"_But... but why?!" Zero questioned. "You can't go alone! What if--!"_

_Yuuki patted his arm as she walked passed him, dragging one of the suitcases with her to the doorway."You have nothing to worry about, Zero." She turned around to face the boys. "You're both coming with the chairman and me to Disneyland!" She proudly announced, hands on her hips._

"_What?!" Zero screeched, while Kaname held an expression of slight shock._

"_Look, Yuuki..." The pureblood tried to reason with her. "I still have a lot of work to do, and this is all really sudden. I don't know if we'll have the time to prepare..."_

"_You don't have to worry about a thing either, Kaname-sempai!" She assured. "We already got your tickets! You can find them in the chairman's desk. Since the plane I'm boarding is full, you'll have to go on another one with Zero. I hope you don't mind..."_

_Kaname fell silent for a moment. "I... No, it's fine."_

_Zero sat in a corner chanting, "I will be okay... I will be okay... Don't kill the bastard... But bring the Bloody Rose.... just in case..."_

_Yuuki beamed, clapping her hands together. "That's great! Well then, you still have a couple of hours left to pack. See you soon!"_

"_Wait, Yuuki--!" Zero called after her, but it was too late. She managed to haul the other two bags out the door and left._

--

"Well, looks like we're sitting next to each other, Kiryuu-kun."

"Don't remind me." Zero growled and shoved his ticket into his jeans' pocket. It was bad enough having to go on the same plane as the bastard. He was not going to tolerate having to sit beside him for thirteen hours.

While Kaname sat where he was supposed to, Zero sat in the window seat, leaving one chair between them.

Kaname looked at the empty seat, then at Zero. "You know, someone might be sitting there."

"Well, that's too bad for them. They're going to have to sit next to you whether they like it or not, because I refuse to."

After a while of ignoring each other, the plane took off.

The hunter got tired of glaring out the window, and redirected his gaze to Kaname, who visibly paled. "Oi... Kuran."

"What is it?" He replied, his voice quieter than usual.

Zero's eyes slightly widened, realizing something that could possibly let him blackmail his most hated vampire. "You're not... afraid of flying, are you?"

"I'm just... not accustomed to going on airplanes. That is all." Kaname's eyes narrowed dangerously at the seat in front of him, accidentally sending a kinetic wave. Invisible punches were thrown to all three chairs in from of them.

An elderly woman turned around and glared at Zero, who seemed more like the delinquent out of the two.

The 'delinquent' fingered the old woman, making her gasp and turn back around, fuming.

"...And Kiryuu-kun... You will not speak of this."

"Don't worry, I don't. On one condition..."

"And that is?"

"I'll let you know when I think of something." He could not believe he was actually having a real conversation with Kaname Kuran.

Kaname chuckled. "I should have figured you would..." He started, but was interrupted by a high-pitched voice.

"U-uhm, we're s-serving drinks now..." The flight attendant announced, stopping specifically at Kaname's row of seats. She was blushing madly, practically drooling at him. "We have coffee... wine..."

"Water will be fine, thanks." Kaname said with a charming smile, as always.

"O-oh! Okay!" She returned his smile and grabbed the jug of water from her cart, pouring some into a plastic cup. She handed him the cup and blushed when their finger brushed. "Is that all? You kn-know, we also have..."

The pureblood shook his head, flashing another Oscar-worthy smile. "No, that'll be all."

Another flight attendant walked up to her and gave her a push. "Will you move it?!" She hissed. "You're holding everything up!" She winked at Kaname. "Call me any time."

_Zero rolled his eyes. 'Couldn't they just give him his drink and leave?'_

"Well, you look mildly annoyed, Kiryuu-kun."

The hunter blinked. "... They forgot my drink..." He complained, even though he could care less about that.

"Were you jealous?" Kaname asked with all seriousness.

'_How does he ask a question like that with such a straight face?'_ Zero's eye twitched. "That you got water? No."

"... Alright, then..." The pureblood pulled a box of blood tablets out of his coat pocket and popped a few into his mouth. He'd rather not take them like he usually does, considering he was on a plane.

As he drank the water in large gulps, a thought occurred to him. If Zero decided he had the need to have a seething bloodlust on the plane...

Oh, _hell_ no. He recognized that heavy breathing.

Kaname slowly turned his head to the left. He internally groaned at the sight.

Zero was clutching his throat, gasping like a fish out of water.

"Kiryuu..." Sighing, he grabbed Zero's arm and dragged him towards one of the bathrooms.

"Look," He said, trying to get Zero to stop clawing at his arm like a trapped coyote. "At this point, someone's going to think you're having an asthma attack or something and call emergency. You don't want that, do you?"

Kaname stopped abruptly, noticing he was face-to-face with the same flight attendant that gave him his drink. _'Great, just what I need...'_

"Oh, is he okay?" She asked, pointing at Zero who looked as pale as a ghost (naturally).

Kaname's internal groans: Two and counting. "Don't worry. He just... found out that his dog died last summer, and that the stuff animal wasn't real." He nudged Zero who started sobbing hysterically into his hands.

"I knew it! I knew... you wouldn't... take good care of... FLUFFY!" He continued to sob, masking his irregular breathing.

Kaname blinked. _'Fluffy?'_

"Aw... I lost my first dog too..." She gave him a sympathetic look. "You get cleaned up, okay?"

Zero nodded, and then scowled once she left. _'I can NOT believe he made me do that...'_

"Nice one, Kiryuu-kun." Kaname snickered and pushed Zero into the bathroom.

Meanwhile, a girl noticed the guys walking into the bathroom, so she decided to wait outside for her turn to go in. She was happily minding her own business, when some heavy breathing caused her to snap her head up and stare at the bathroom door curiously.

"Zero... just do it already..."

"Dude, are you crazy?! ... We're in a public _bathroom_!"

The girl blinked. _'What were they doing in there?'_

"Come on, Zero. The door's already locked. And I can tell just looking at you that you want to."

Oh, _God_. It's the heavy breathing again.

"No! I'm not going to—OW! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

"Kiryuu-kun... I will _not _drag your dead body to California. Do you understand? Now _do_ it."

"...No—OW! Okay! Fine!"

A hand flew to her nose as the girl outside the bathroom tried to stop herself from painting the door red when the moaning started.

A few minutes later, the brunet opened the bathroom door and came out with messy hair and the first few buttons on his shirt undone. The silver-haired one followed after, mumbling curses and looking just as ruffled, if not, a little sweaty.

The girl stared into the still very normal-looking bathroom as the two left, wondering if she still wanted to go in.

"Are you feeling better, Kiryuu-kun?" Kaname asked, buttoning his shirt back up.

"Shut up, Kuran..." Zero sighed and tried to make himself comfortable in the oddly shaped seat. "In case you don't know, it's two in the morning. That's when _normal_ people sleep."

"I am aware of that, yes."

"So, _good night_." He hissed and closed his eyes. Feeling irritated, he turned to the other side and pulled his knees to his chest. _'Curse these goddamn seats...'_

After watching Zero squirm in his seat for a few minutes, Kaname sighed and pushed the armrests back.

"Zero..." He called, and pushed the hunter down into a lying position.

Zero's face reddened. His head was in Kaname's lap. "Uh..."

"Rest," said the pureblood. "I don't want you to be tired when we get there, or you'll ruin Yuuki's fun."

Zero didn't reply, and let Kaname toy with his hair. _'So that's where Yuuki got it from...'_

He didn't complain. He was too tired to. But inside he knew it was because he didn't mind much at all, and secretly thanked Kaname.

TBC...


	2. Pretty

Disclaimer: Vampire Knight belongs to Matsuri Hino. I own NOTHING.

**Waking Up In Vegas**

Chapter Two – Pretty

Zero couldn't exactly describe it as pleasant when he woke up with his face pressed to Kaname's crotch. _'Alright, Zero. Stay calm... Just take a deep breath and—No, breathing wasn't a good idea.'_

He decided to remove himself from the disturbing situation before he was emotionally scarred beyond any hope of rehabilitation. That is, if he wasn't already. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"... A while."

-Insert my usual Twilight pun here!-

"..."

"No, I'm being serious. We should be landing soon."

Almost as if on cue, an announcement came on. On the speakers, a doll, monotone voice droned, "Uh, due to horrific stupidity and a great need for plot development, we are running out of gas and must land... right now."

Zero practically jumped out of his seat, adding to the pandemonium. "Did we even make it to California?"

Kaname sighed. "I don't think so..."

"Where are we landing? How long do we have to stay there? What about _Yuuki_?!"

There goes Kaname's internal groan number three! "I don't know how long we'll have to be here, but I'm pretty sure we're in Vegas right now. As for Yuuki, we can all her and let her know that we'll arrive a little later."

Zero grumbled and stared out the window as they landed, arms crossed.

Once they got off the plane, he grabbed Kaname's cell phone and dialled like a madman. Unfortunately, after one or two rings, it stayed silent.

"Kuran... Why isn't your phone working?"

"Hm. It must be out of batteries."

"We can recharge it, right...?"

"Sorry, I didn't bring that." Kaname almost seemed offended. Zero expected him to do everything, didn't he? "As you may know, we didn't have a lot of time to pack. I had other things to worry about than my cell phone."

Zero's eye twitched. "What were you worrying about anyway?!"

"Hair products."

If looks could kill, Kaname would be lying in a pool of his own blood.

Dismissing the inconvenience of having no contact with the chairman and Yuuki at the time, Zero rushed to the customer service counter with Kaname tagging along behind him.

"Where are you going?"

"To see if we can get to California on other plane, dumbass." He grumbled and changed his attitude completely when he reached the counter. "Uhm, excuse me? Would you happen to know when the next flight to California is?"

"Ah, yes. It'll be just a moment, sir." The guy disappeared under the counter for a moment and returned with a chart in his hands. He scanned the paper and pushed up his glasses. "Ah, yes. There are no available flights from Las Vegas to California at the time. There will be a plane that will be available in about... five weeks."

"Look, man." Zero hissed. "I already had to spend a very, very long time with that bastard. During most of that time, I had his pants in my face—which is really embarrassing by the way—so I refuse to be stuck with him for another minute, let alone _weeks_!"

The customer service guy stared back blankly, and pushed his glasses up. "Ah, that's all very nice to hear, sir, but it's not going to change anything. I suppose you should check into a hotel for a bit and book a flight later."

"What about the plane we were just on?! Don't they just need to refill the gas or something?"

"Plot development says no."

"_AAAUUGH!_"

"Come one, Kiryuu-kun," Kaname sighed and pulled Zero back by the arm. If he didn't, the hunter probably would've climbed over the counter and attack the customer service guy. "Don't bother the poor man anymore."

Zero glared furiously as he pried Kaname's fingers off his arm. "I'm stuck—with you!—for... for _five weeks_! Do you realize how bad that is?!"

"It can't be that bad..." Brushing off the insult, the pureblood suggested, "At least you can't be drinking from Yuuki."

"It wasn't like I was before! ... Well, I didn't have a choice. Who else is there?"

"..." Kaname stopped walking and turned around, looking at Zero with a strange face.

"... Oh, _hell_ no."

"Don't look so surprised." Kaname grabbed Zero's sleeve again and started walking, his pace quickened. "Now, come on. Let's get things done so we can get out of here and into that hotel he suggested."

Zero blinked, and then nodded, choosing to ignore how suggestive it sounded, along with the fingers that slipped from his sleeve to curl around his hand.

--

Immediately after entering the hotel room, Zero noticed something a bit inconvenient. "Kuran... why the hell is there only one bed?"

"It was the only room available, and I don't see how that's a problem since we don't sleep during the same time of day."

"What if I wanted a nap?!" Zero protested.

"Then I guess you will have to crawl in make yourself comfortable."

Dropping his suitcase by the bed along with his coat, Zero made his way back to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you." He answered coldly. "Do me a favour and call Yuuki."

Kaname took notice of the phone across the room as Zero left. He knew he should let Yuuki and the chairman know about their whereabouts, but he simply didn't feel like it.

Zero stomped down the stairs like an angry five year-old, letting out a frustrated sigh. _'Is my life always this fucked up? ... Wait, don't answer that.'_

He scowled at the amount of people gathered at the lobby. When he thought he could avoid one idiot, he found quite a few more.

"Hey, what's with that look, sexy?"

Zero stared at the girl who attached herself to his arm like she was mad. "Excuse me?"

"The name's Lucy." She handed him a card. "Call me if you think you're up for it."

The hunter looked down at the card.

_The Bunny Palace_

_Applications for the job as a stripper is available at—_

"Yeah, I'm not interested..."

Lucy's eyes started brimming with tears. She wiped at one of her eyes, sniffing. "Are you at least interested... in me?"

'_You have_ got _to be kidding me...'_

Suddenly now wanting to hurt feelings, he used the one and only excuse that always seemed to work. "I'm... gay?"

Her face brightened and she wiped away the tears quickly, a big grin plastered on her face again. "That's even better!"

"Romero!" Lucy called, motioning someone to come over.

That 'someone' was a dude.

"Romero! I found your new boyfriend!" She pointed at Zero who stared wide eyed.

'_Oh, almighty excuse, why must you betray me?!'_

Gasping dramatically, Romero slung an arm over Zero's shoulder and grabbed his ass, ignoring his horrified expression. "Oh, he's so cute! How much did he cost?"

"WHAT?"

Lucy clapped her hands together and grinned ear to ear. "Zero dollars!"

'_The irony, it drowns me!'_

"I never get free hookers this good." Romero licked his lips and leaned for a sloppy kiss.

Zero almost screamed as he sprinted into the nearest thing with a door: The women's bathroom. Groaning with frustration with his back against the door, he suddenly craved the comfort of the hotel suite, Kaname or no Kaname.

Zero looked up.

Silence filled the room and half a dozen pairs of demonic eyes turned towards him. A few of the girls even stood barefooted, ready to murder him with their stilettos if he didn't give them a proper explanation.

'_Well, fuck.'_

The whole eeriness of the whole situation made him a _little_ less creative, and he decided to go with the same excuse he used on the stripper.

"Uh... uhm, I'm... gay?"

The ones with the stilettos in their hands dropped them to the ground and they all started squealing with delight.

Zero blinked. '_I don't get it... but at least they're not trying to kill me anymore...'_

One of the blondes pulled out a dress from her purse and ran over to him, shoving it into his arms. "I want you to try it on!"

The other girls squealed again.

"Oh, my GOD, Katelyn! That's a great idea!" A redhead shouted. "Like, we should totally give him a makeover!"

Zero suddenly has the urge to run, and run fast. "You know what? I think I'm just going to, uh..."

Before he could touch the door knob, heavy banging made Romero's unwanted presence known. "Hey, babe! Where's my cute, little sex toy?!" He shouted from outside the bathroom.

Zero flinched and turned back around. "Okay, I'm staying."

"Awesome!" The blonde, also known as Katelyn, urged him to put on the dress again. "Please put on the dress now! We want to pretty you up!"

"There is no way that you'll—"

Katelyn took off one of her heels.

"Okay, I'll do it."

Squealing excitedly, a couple of the girls shoved him into a cubicle along with the dress; the really tiny dress.

Zero stared at the piece of clothing distastefully, suddenly reminded of the time Ichiru decided to steal one of the girls' uniforms.

"What's taking so looong?!" A girl shrieked and threw her shoe at the cubicle's door.

"Okay! I'll wear it! Yeesh!"

The hunter slammed the door open with a grunt, decked in a little, floral dress. He slung his original clothing over his shoulder and couldn't help but blush like an idiot. _'I look... like a dork...'_

More squeal and delighted giggles filled the room.

"Like, your legs are gorgeous!"

"Aw! You look adorable!"

"Strike a pose for me!"

Zero groaned out loud, getting a sense of déjà vu. _'Why me?! Why the fuck me?!"_

"Hey, Amanda!" Katelyn called to the redhead. "You should do his makeup!"

"What?! No! Look, I tried on the dress, now I'm going to go change and—"

"No, you're not."

"Excuse me?"

"That's right." Katelyn grabbed his clothes from his shoulder before he could react, walked into a cubicle, and dropped them into the toilet.

"So, what's it going to be?" She asked, holding the wet clothes up for him, toilet water dripping off it. "You can wear the dress, or you can wear clothes that smell like toilet water and piss."

Zero felt his pride get shoved a little farther down the drain. "That's fucking _evil!_"

"We're evil, but we still love you, pretty, gay boy!"

Amanda, the redhead, pulled out some ribbons, hairclips, and other accessories from her purse. "Oh, let me do your hair now! We'll make you pretty!"

Zero didn't really get a chance to say anything.

"Why is my Zero-dollar hooker taking so looooong?! He better not be cheating with those girls in there!"

'_And I was hoping security would take care of him...'_

"Eheh... Have fun making me pretty?"

"Oh, boy!" Dumping the rest of her purse's contents onto the counter, she fished out a frilly, black ribbon and a few clips from the pile. She tied a cute, little bow in his hair, and pulled some of his bangs back with the clips. "You look like such a _doll_!" She said, poking his nose.

Zero resisted the urge to twitch.

"Hey! I want to help too!" A few other girls started going through each other's purses for cosmetics and jewellery.

"I'm going to use your eyeliner, Christi!" Getting a nod from the girl she called to, Amanda turned to Zero, who instinctively backed up. "Don't worry, darling. 'Manda-'Manda's going to make you look _gorgeous_!"

Within seconds, he had four girls messing with his face at once.

"I should give you some mascara!"

"Boy, you need a tan."

"Blush first, or lip-gloss?"

Christi, a brunette, noticed he had earrings. "Like, no way! Katelyn, look! Earrings!"

Katelyn brushed a strand of his back and gasped dramatically. "Like, that's awesome!"

She took her own hoops off.

"Oh, _hell_ no."

She practically ripped his earrings off and hooked hers in place within a snap. "There! You're as cute as a button!"

"Only hookers wear hoops."

"Oh, shut up, you." Christ turned him around and shoved him towards the mirrors. "Look at you, darling! I'd say we did a good job."

Zero gave in to the urge for uncontrollable twitching. He looked like a girl; a fucking girl. Sure, he was wearing a dress, makeup, and other _fun_ accessories, but he literally looked like a girl. And he made a _pretty_ girl at that. He didn't know if it was a good thing or not, but he went with the fact that it was very, _very_ bad.

As if things weren't bad enough, he saw Amanda pull out a wig.

"Now, if you put this wig on—"

"I said I was gay, not a transvestite!"

Grabbing his wet clothes and shoes, Zero scrambled out of the bathroom. Pushing passed Romero, he ran upstairs to his room, avoiding confused stares and nosebleeds.

"Hey!" Katelyn yelled after him. "I want my dress and earrings back!"

Kaname was rudely interrupted from his thoughts when Zero slammed the door close with a growl.

The pureblood eyed Zero up and down, trying to take in what he was seeing. "My, Kiryuu-kun sure is—"

"Before you say anything, I know I'm dressed like a girl, okay?!"

"And I'm assuming your clothes got wet somehow and..."

"Toilet water."

"Would you like me to bring that to the laundry for you?"

Zero nodded gratefully. "I don't really want to go down there again."

"Alright." Kaname set down his book and picked up the pile of clothes that were dropped by the door. "You just sit there and look pretty. I'll be back soon."

"Just shut up, Kuran."

TBC...

--

AN – So, a couple of things I need to mention... Masherz (Mini_Mashin) is now helping me with the fic! Yaaaay! –Cheesy confetti- The character Romero belongs to Wits (L'il Miss Yuki). She wanted a guest appearance, so I gave her one. I don't really know if strippers actually go around advertising like that, or if prostitutes do, but oh well. And about the earring thing... I know Zero's ears aren't pierced the way they were suggested in the fic, but oh well. It'd be funny if he was wearing only one hoop. :'D

Review if you'd like Zero as a hooker!


	3. Hit Me

Disclaimer: Vampire Knight belongs to Matsuri Hino; Romero belongs to Witszy (L'il Miss Yuki); All the other random shiznitz belong to people I don't know. I own NOTHING.

Warning: Crack; Lots of it.

**Waking Up In Vegas**

Chapter Three – Hit Me

After all these years, Kaname Kuran finally found his purpose in life.

Dropping the clothes into the washing machine, he noticed something in the corner of the laundry room. It was a slot machine; A working slot machine in all its blinking, flashy glory. Glancing around quickly to make sure no one was watching, he quietly crawled over to the machine and dug through his pocket.

Kaname instinctively scanned his surroundings once more and slipped the coin into the slot machine, pulling the lever excitedly.

He had a very dangerous idea.

--

"I'm hungry..." Zero thought aloud, staring at the ceiling and no longer wearing a skirt, to his relief.

Hopping off the bed, he began rummaging through his bag for his wallet. There'd bound to be a fast food restaurant or something around here somewhere.

Finding the front compartment empty, he looked through the rest of his suitcase, throwing pieces of clothing all over the place.

'_Where is it?!'_ He asked himself, suddenly feeling panicked. There was a good few hundred in that wallet and he definitely didn't want to lose it.

"I don't remember misplacing my wallet anywhere! In fact, I—." Zero stopped himself mid-sentence, realizing he had stuffed his wallet into his pocket before he went down to the lobby. His wallet was in the pair of pants that Kaname took to the laundry room. He was pretty sure the pureblood would be smart enough to take the wallet out before throwing it into the wash.

Zero immediately changed his somewhat distressed look into a glare. "That bastard has my wallet!"

--

Kaname sighed and felt Zero's wallet in his pocket. He has lost all the money that he brought him, but was hesitant on going back to the hotel suite in order to get more.

No, he can't go back, Zero would be there. And he'd be a wee suspicious if Kaname was running back and forth, lugging cash.

'_But... I'm starting to get good at this...'_

With a defeated groan, he pulled out Zero's wallet. The hunter wouldn't find out. He'd just use a couple of bills now, and replace them later when he gets the chance to. No problem at all.

--

Zero went to the laundry room, looking for Kaname in order to reclaim his wallet. Unable to find him there, he looked around the lobby and sensed Kaname in the casino. He decided to hide behind a row of slot machines to see what the pureblood was doing in such a place.

'_I'm pretty sure he's not old enough to gamble...'_

You're wrong, sweetheart. Kaname-sama's age is OVAR 9000!

That was when Zero saw Kaname pull a bill from his wallet; _HIS_ wallet.

"I'd recognize that Monokuro Boo wallet anywhere..." He muttered, seething. "That bastard..."

"Mommy, why is that weird man talking to himself?" A little girl asked as she walked by.

"_Shh!_ Don't be rude!" The mother scolded.

"Whatever, mommy! I still think he's crazy."

Zero glared at her.

The little girl crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue out back at him.

"Stupid... brat!" Zero huffed and turned back around. '_Hey, is he trading __my__ money for chips?!'_

"That's it, Kuran. You're going down."

--

Kaname looked at his cards. '_Queen... Five... Fifteen...'_

"Hit me."

Zero slapped him hard across the face.

"_That's my cash you're spending, Kuran."_ He hissed.

Kaname looked up, hold his right cheek. "Zero...?!" He asked, shocked as a kid caught stealing candy.

NOT AS PLANNED. Repeat: _NOT AS PLANNED_.

"No, I'm your mother! Give me back my wallet!"

"What are you doing here?!"

"What are _you_ doing with my wallet?!"

"I was trying to win you—"

The dealer cleared his throat, getting the pair's attention.

Kaname thoroughly ignored Zero's glare and looked at the new number eight card. "Damn, a bust."

"'Trying to win me some'?!"

The pureblood stood up, scratching his head. "Well, that was the intention anyway..."

"Don't you realize that paying for the hotel already burned half our wallets?! It's all because of the chairman, saying we don't have to worry about anything, and then THIS happened."

"Which is why I was trying to make up for it."

"By _gambling_?"

"I actually thought it was a quick way to make cash." Kaname defended, suddenly remembering the pile of coins he collected from the slot machine in the laundry room. "As a matter of fact, I won a lot just earlier."

"What happened to it?"

"I lost it playing Blackjack."

"Then stop playing!" Zero demanded. He quickly added, "And give me back my wallet!"

"How about... I use whatever's left in this wallet, and then pay you back for any money I lose some other time?" Kaname suggested.

"I'd rather you not waste money stupidly at all. Of all people, Kuran..."

"I'll even treat you to a few _drinks_..." Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.

Zero twitched. "... This conversation is over."

Kaname snickered as Zero stomped off, blushing. He opened the wallet and pulled out a couple of more bills.

How fantastic; more money to feed his long lost gambling addiction. PC games just weren't enough.

--

"Headmaster... I'm worried..." Yuuki stared at her watch as the minute hand slowly made its way pass the numbers. "It's been a couple of days... Zero and Kaname-sempai still haven't arrived."

"Ah, something must have popped up. I'm sure it's nothing to be worked up about." Cross brushed the subject off, completely absorbed in his ice cream cone.

"But don't you think they would've called if—?"

"Kaname-kun forgot to recharge his cell phone before they left."

"How did you—?"

"Do you want to ride the roller coaster again?!"

Yuuki looked up at the impressive ride in front of her, shielding her eyes from the sun behind the looming structure. "Okay, Headmaster!"

"Call me daddy!"

--

"You lost every dollar... didn't you?"

Kaname nodded.

Zero rubbed his forehead with a frustrated sigh. "When are you paying me back?"

"Right now."

"Ah, wonderful. Now please tell me why we had to be in a mall."

"We're going shopping, of course."

Zero's eyes shot open to the size of saucers. "_That's_ how you're paying me back?! Do you think I'm some sort of _girl_?!"

"Well, the dress..."

Kaname: 1

Zero: 0

He suddenly wanted to go bawl his eyes out. "_SHUT UP!_"

"But shopping doesn't make you girly, Kiryuu-kun." Kaname pointed out as a matter-of-factly, "I shop all the time."

"...You're still not proving anything."

"..."

"You would've made a point if you were anything close to a man."

Kaname: 1

Zero: 2

"Hair products and—"

"Anyway," Kaname interrupted, dismissing the issue. "We're going shopping. You've got four hundred bucks. Knock yourself out."

"Fine. Whatever." Zero decided to go into the bookstore first.

"You want books?"

"What, would you be looking for lingerie?"

Kaname sighed. _'Okay, you win.'_

"Help me find the manga section, will you?"

"Alright..."

Zero left in a different direction, in search for his manga, when a copy of Shoujo Beat in the magazine section caught his eye. _'This month's issue already came out?'_

He plucked the magazine from the shelf, flipping through it excitedly. _'Bubblegum Princess!'_

"..."

He blinked, feeling the person next to him staring. _'Bubblegum Princess is for people of all sexual orientation to enjoy! So... so fuck you! Although, that guy seems kind of...'_

Zero flinched at the all too familiar slap to his ass, head snapping up at the speed of light to face...

"You're that bastard Romero!"

Romero took the time to look away from his porn magazine in order to smirk at Zero. "And you're that zero-dollar hooker."

Zero was about to respond but Kaname showed up, cutting him off.

"Kiryuu-kun, I found—"

Suddenly, Kaname and Romero noticed each other.

"Who's he?" They asked the hunter at the same time.

Zero blinked, mind at a loss.

Romero raised an eyebrow. "A customer?" He asked, eyeing Kaname. "You know... I wouldn't mind a threesome."

"'Customer'? ... _'Threesome'_?"

"Uh, one moment..." Zero said, dragging Kaname away by the arm.

"Who is that guy?!" Kaname hissed once they were 'safely' behind a bookshelf, about ten feet away.

"Why does it matter?!"

"He's been looking at you like a piece of meat, that's why."

"Look! That bastard was... kind of the reason why I was in that dress... That's why we're hiding."

The temperature in the room dropped a good ten degrees. "_He_ put you in the _dress_?!"

"... What? ...No!" Zero groaned, burying his face into his hands. "We need to get out of here, okay?"

"Why?" Kaname peeked out from behind the bookshelf. Zero did the same.

They caught sight of Romero flipping his porn magazine over to show them one of the pages. He winked and mouthed the words 'we should do that later'.

"I agree. We should leave immediately."

Zero looked out again, making sure Romero was back to reading his porn. "Alright, go!" He shoved Kaname towards the store's exit.

"Kiryuu-kun, he's following us." Kaname announced, looking behind him. "What do we do?"

"Tch, I don't know! Walk faster!"

"We can pretend we're in a relationship. He might give up."

Zero shook his head. "He said he wanted a threesome, remember? What's the point?"

They both looked back again. Romero had somehow produced some frilly, red panties and was holding them up for them. He pointed to the panties and then to the pair, a devious look in his eyes.

Zero shuddered. "See?!"

"We can still try." Kaname reached for the hunter's hand.

Zero swatted it away. "Dude, are you hitting on me?!"

"... What?"

"How about we try hiding somewhere safe until he decides to give up?" Zero suggested as they walked into a large department store.

There were a lot of people crowding around in the store due to some sort of sale. Kaname and Zero easily blended in with everyone.

The pureblood vampire shot another look behind him. "I believe we lost him. Where is the one place that a stalker probably won't go to?"

"Toy section?" Zero shrugged.

Zero and Kaname headed down an aisle and quickly shuffled themselves into two shelves stacked with toys. Dolls were on one side while tiny cars and machines were on the other.

The hunter took another quick look behind him. "Oh, good. He's not—." Kaname tapped him on the shoulder.

"What?" He asked, turning back around.

There was that bastard again, coming out from the other side of one of the shelves, waving and snickering.

Kaname's eyebrow twitched, agitated.

Zero silently screamed like Shizuka came back as the Grudge.

Apparently, Romero was wearing a long trench coat and...

'_Is he wearing...'_

'_... Anything under that...?'_

Romero opened the trench coat and Zero swore he passed out.

--

"Kuran... What happened?"

"Let's just say we won't be seeing the creepy pervert again for a while..."

"... Oh."

"I decided to give up on the shopping idea. The four hundred is in your wallet."

"Okay."

"..."

"Ah... Kaname?"

"What?"

"You still owe me those... _drinks_."

"... I know."

TBC...

--

AN – Eh... You people are going to haaaate me because of the slow updates. I was busy watching Korean dramas. :D -Shot-

Thanks again to L'il Miss Yuki (Especially with her character Romero) and Mini Mashin for helping me out and trying to get me off my lazy ass (Though, I'd still be sitting on a chair to type this...).

If anyone recognized the DNTAS quote, I'll give you a cookie.


	4. Bat Thong

Disclaimer: Vampire Knight belongs to Matsuri Hino, Romero belongs to Witszy (L'il Miss Yuki), and the bat thong... Well, take a guess. I own NOTHING.

Warnings: **Lots of crack**ing, crumbly cookies, PMSing!Zero, and Stripper!Ichiru.

**Waking Up In Vegas**

Chapter Four – Bat Thong

"Let's face it man. We're broooooke..." Zero groaned and let his head hit the kitchen table with a flattering '_thun_k'. "No more money, no more food, no more—!"

"We're not broke." Kaname interrupted. "You have your four hundred, and I have..." He counted his fingers. "... Three hundred."

"SEven hundred? How long is that supposed to last us? At any rate, they'll kick us out of the hotel." Zero shivered, imagining the tragedy of losing the luxury of the hotel. "Then, we'll be lying on the streets, breathing the smoke from cheap cigars literally frying from sunburn."

"... Sunburn?"

"Sunburn..."

Kaname and Zero both shuddered.

"I refuse to let that happen!" The pureblood announced proudly.

"Oh, yeah?"

"I have an idea. Zero, do you remember when I took your stuff to the laundry?"

Zero nodded.

"I checked the pockets to make sure nothing got washed by accident. I found this." Kaname pulled a business card out from his pocket.

Zero screamed and fell out of his chair. "No way, man!"

"Yes, way—the only way! Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

Zero scrambled back onto the chair. "You know, running around and telling people I could be a potential stripper isn't exactly how I like spending my time."

"But a job and still a _job_. We need money, bro."

"I'm not stripping!"

"Why not? I'd pay to see you. I'm sure there are people out there would too."

"..."

"Forget I said that."

Kaname watched as Zero pulled two waffles out of the toaster and immediately began wolfing them down, clearly trying to distract himself from the conversation they were having.

Determined, Kaname cleared his throat, catching the other's attention.

"What?!" Zero snapped and paused stuffing his fork down his windpipe to listen, suddenly alarmed. "You know I'm not giving you another waffle! You know what happened last time."

"It's not about the waffle."

"Then what?"

"We're going to that strip club!"

--

"Are you sure this is the place? It looks like an abandoned rat hole."

Zero huffed and opened the cab's door.

"Thank you." Kaname muttered to the driver as they got out.

"'Thank you'?! These bitches don't thank me enough!" As soon as they were completely out of the car, the cab driver sped off. The tires screeched and left a trail of dust.

Zero coughed into his sleeve, muttering as many curses in English as he could. "Let's get this over with..."

The pair walked down the dark alley until they found a rusty, metal door with a sign that said 'The Bunny Palace' in flickering, pink neon lights.

Kaname pushed the door open. "Ladies first."

"Yeah, I know. Will you please walk through the door now? I'm waiting."

Kaname shot him a quick look of disapproval, but nonetheless he walked in. The hunter followed quickly.

Zero took a look at his surroundings. The atmosphere of the club was far from pleasant. "Oh, _god_. This place smells like booze, and sweat, and pee, and..." He decided not to say the last fluid that he could smell.

"This is much worse than I had expected." Kaname frowned. There were probably germs _everywhere_. _Germs._

"Hey, you two over there!"

A tall, muscular man decorated with tattoos that neither of them could identify pushed his way to the entrance where they stood. He had a nice moustache. "Are you guys old enough to be in here?"

Eternal youth sucked.

He breathed in their faces and Kaname tried not to grimace at the smell of cheap liquor and cigarettes. "I'm eighteen."

"And you?"

"Seventeen."

"How long have you been seventeen?" The man pressed on.

"A while." Kaname offered helpfully.

"Shut up, Kaname!"

"You guys need to be twenty-one to be in a place like this. I'm going to have to ask you to leave..." His moustache twitches at the corners and he cracked his knuckles dramatically. It seemed appropriate.

"It might be a good time to use your 'almighty' pureblood powers now, dude." Zero whispered.

"That won't be necessary..." A familiar voice came from the shadows behind the tattoo-man. "Let them in. I know these people. In fact, one of them is family..."

"You know them?" "You know us?" The man, Zero, and Kaname asked simultaneously.

Stepping out of the shadows was Ichiru, who was dressed rather inappropriately.

Zero choked on air. "ASDFJKL;OMFGWTFHBBQ! ICHIRU!"

"Yep, it's me." He posed. "You likey?"

"What the _hell_ are you wearing?!"

"Oh, this?" Ichiru looked down at himself. "Why, it's a thong, of course!"

Kaname was very confused. "Why a _bat_ thong?"

"Oh, you know... me and the whole vampire thing... It seemed like a good idea."

Kaname shrugged. "Makes sense."

"Shut up, Kaname!" Zero looked at his twin in disgust and horror. He was wearing a thong (bat thong), fishnets, and hooker boots. "No! I mean, why the hell are you wearing that—that—?!"

"Thong? I wear it because I work here. I'm a stripper!" Ichiru announced with more enthusiasm than his brother's brain could process.

Zero stopped breathing for a moment and grabbed onto Kaname's arm for support. "Kaname... take me..."

Kaname looked like he won a million dollars.

"Take me... back to the hotel... I've had enough of this shit."

"Eh... Good enough." Kaname shrugged and half-carried a traumatized Zero back out of the club.

"Wait!" Ichiru called. Kaname stopped in his tracks. "I know about your little money problem. I think I can help."

"How do you even know about that?"

"Romero, the owner of this place, has been spying on your guys from your hotel suite's window."

"Oh, shit!" Zero buried his face in his hands. "That bastard found out which suite was ours'?! He didn't see what happened last night, did he?!"

Ichiru blinked. "What _did_ happen last night?"

"_Kuran_!" Zero hissed, pointing at the named culprit. "_He_ was invading _my _side of the bed—and my personal space, I should mention—and I did _not_ like it! Not _one_ bit! What do you have to say for yourself?!"

"I have the right to remain silent." Kaname turned to Ichiru. "So, you said you know a way to help us."

"I do. I mean, you guys are pretty much going to get kicked out of your hotel, right?"

Kaname and Zero nodded.

"Great!"

"Great?"

"Come live with me in my place!"

Zero's eyes travelled to the creepy bat thong again and shuddered. "Promise not to wear that thing when we're around?"

Ichiru covered his crotch, making a show of being offended. "The bat thong did nothing wrong!"

Zero glared at him.

"Fine, I promise!"

The twins shook hands. "Deal."

--

Ehh... it's been a while. Short chapter is short, but rest assured, I have part of the next chapter already written. Until then, feel free to chuck rocks at me. Bye~


	5. Milk and Cereal Part 1

Disclaimer: Vampire Knight belongs to Matsuri Hino. I own nothing.

**Waking Up In Vegas**

Chapter Five – Milk and Cereal (Part 1)

Yuuki was tapping away on her keyboard, sporting an "I Love California" t-shirt and Mickey Mouse ears. The Chairman was leaning over her shoulder and eating an ice cream cone with bits of waffle cone and pistachio dripping onto the keys.

"What are you doing, Yuuki-chan?" Chairman asked, ignoring his step-daughter who made a disgusted noise and wiped the food off her keyboard.

"I'm playing Pacman!" She announced. She expertly dodged a ghost coming around one corner and swallowed up the last pac-dot, proceeding to the next level.

The Chairman and Yuuki both cheered. A pop-up flashed onto the screen.

They stopped cheering.

'Make your fantasies come true', the ad read. 'Come to the Bunny Palace at XXX Las Vegas right now!'

The father-daughter pair picked their jaws off the floor and tore their attention from the horribly graphic images as the phone rang loudly throughout the suite.

"I'll get it!" Yuuki called and picked up the phone. "Moshi moshi!"

"_Yuuki! I'm so glad to hear from you!"_

"Zero?! Ehhhh? Where are you and Kaname-sempai?"

The Chairman leaped across the room, his hair and coat trailing behind him. "Uaahh~! It's Kiryuu-kun~!"

"_Yuuki! You won't believe what happened. When—"_

"_Yuuki!"_ Kaname joined the line. "_Our plane had to stop for some ridiculous reason and we—"_

Chairman continued his leaping and celebrating. "Ahh~! Kaname-kun too~!"

Yuuki looked at the Chairman and chose not to ask. "Ah, are you now, Zero? Kaname-sempai?"

"_You won't believe it—" "Of all the places—"_ Zero and Kaname started at the same time.

"_We're in Las Vegas."_

The Chairman stopped moving. Yuuki glanced at the ad that was still displaying on the screen in flashy colours.

"..."

"_..."_

"Zero and Kaname-sempai are horrible people!"

"_Wait, what—?!"_

The line went dead.

Zero pulled the fridge open to be disappointed what it was empty except for a tomato, bottles of nail polish, and a few blood bags. He could think of a few reasons for the blood bags, but why the nail polish?

"Ichiru?"

"Hmm?"

"Why is there nail polish in your fridge?"

"Oh, putting the nail polish in the fridge helps it apply glossier!" The younger twin held up his fingernails. They were absolutely fabulous and read 'LOVEU BITCH'.

Zero's eye twitched. "Okay... Also, why isn't there any food?"

Ichiru chuckled darkly, and then his face turned dead serious. "I said I'd let you stay here; I didn't say I'd feed you."

"You suck."

"You wish." Ichiru tossed him a credit card. It whizzed through the air, hitting him in the forehead and then dropping to the kitchen counter. "If you want food, go get it yourself."

Zero picked up the card and looked at it. "Is this even yours?"

"Does it matter?" Ichiru idly skimmed through a magazine.

Sighing, Zero pocketed the credit card and went to wake Kaname up. It was scary thinking about the things his brother could be involved with when he wasn't around.

Zero opened the bedroom door to find Kaname asleep, holding a teddy bear in a leather corset that he found in Ichiru's apartment. He facepalmed and took the bear away. "Hey! Wake up, you idiot. We're going to the grocery store."

Kaname jerked his bear back and rubbed his eyes. "Mhm... Why?"

Zero grabbed the bear again. "Zombies are taking over the world and we can get M60s there."

"...No, really?"

"Yeah, really."

Kaname tore the stuffed animal back again as Zero passed by to open the curtains. He whined and covered his head with the covers.

"Come on, you lazy bum, get up and get dressed. I'll wait downstairs." Zero left the room, closing the door behind him.

Kaname held the teddy bear tighter as soon as Zero left. "Don't worry, Sugar BB." That was the name Ichiru gave the stuffed toy. "He's just jealous."

After a few minutes of reckless driving and arguing with an oddly familiar cab driver, the duo finally managed to make it to a nearby grocery store in one piece. Well, two pieces.

Zero grabbed a shopping cart and pulled out a list. He handed it to Kaname. "Can I trust you to get the cereal? I get the rest myself. Just choose whatever you like and I'll be back in fifteen minutes, okay?"

Kaname nodded like a good child and looked at the list for himself. _'Fruits, vegetables, eggs, milk, cereal, condoms...'_

Wait.

"Zero, why does the list have cond—?"

"Ichiru wrote that. Ignore it."

"Okay." He stood where he was in silence for a moment, and then decided to start walking to the cereal aisle.

It was then that Kaname saw the lone box of cereal on the shelf ten feet away. It was a box of Count Chocula, absolutely irresistible Count Chocula. And it was on sale for $2.00 each. At the other end of the lane was a little girl, not much older than five. She wanted it.

There was only one box left, and Kaname knew it had to be his. He sprinted, using his vampiric speed shamelessly, disregarding the people who could possibly walk by and see.

The little girl sniffed the snot bubble from her nose loudly and also began running.

It was Kaname Kuran versus a little girl in a supermarket, fighting over cereal. He had never felt that his honor was so at stake. He looked at the little girl, his legs still moving at full speed, and caught her sticking her tongue out at him. The nerve!

Kaname stuck out his hand. The girl mirrored his actions. She stood on her toes, extending her height, and their fingers brushed against opposite sides of the box at the same time.

Kaname's heart was pounding. His hand fingers curled around the side of the box and...

The little girl tripped over a shoelace and fell flat onto the floor.

Kaname swiped this beloved cereal box off the shelf, fist pushed to the sky past the ceiling. He had won and protected the Kuran family name and honor. Yuuki would be proud.

A pause.

Kaname lowered his arm and took a look at the ground where the girl lied in a crumpled heap. Slowly, she pushed herself off the ground and brushed off her knees. She stared back at him with big, innocent, _tear-filled_ eyes. She sniffed the same snot bubble again, lip quivering.

Panicked, the pureblood crouched down on one knee and patted the girl's arm. "Oh, no! ... Please... Aw, please don't cr—"

The little girl opened her mouth as wide as she possibly could and let out the loudest, most high-pitched wail he had ever heard.

Supreme vampire hearing really really sucked.

"Gah! Uh... S-stop crying, please?" Desperate, Kaname began _singing_. "_Hush, little baby, don't say a word. I'm_... uh, _going to buy you a mockingbird. And if that mocking bird won't sing_—I think I'll have to break its neck!"

The girl cried louder.

"I'm sorry! I—!"

"What do you think you're doing to my baby?!"

The mother ran to her daughter and clutched her protectively.

"What?!" Kaname stood straight up like a pencil. "I didn't do anything! I was getting the cereal, and—! She tripped! I was trying to calm her down—! I accidentally threatened to kill a bird, but—!"

The mother walked up to him and hit him with her purse. "Come on, sweetie. We're leaving before this horrible, horrible man tries to do anything to you again... or that bird!"

The pair stormed off, leaving Kaname alone to rub at the reddening mark on his face.

"Kaname! Oi!"

Zero came from where they left with the shopping cart. "Did you get the cereal? Let's go, man."

Kaname held up the box of Count Chocula. "Yes, I have gotten the—" He stopped himself in the middle of his sentence.

Zero looked and sounded tired. His face was red and his hair was a mess. His face was also covered with a suspicious looking white fluid, along with the front of his shirt, which he was wiping away was his sleeve, looking embarrassed.

Kaname stopped breathing. He tugged at his shirt's collar, clearing his throat. "Zero, why are you... Who did—? What?!"

Zero raised an eyebrow at the pureblood who looked hot and bothered all of a sudden.

"..."

"...!"

"Oh, it's just milk, you perverted moron!"

Kaname received an empty milk carton to the head.

AN : This is probably the fastest I've updated in a while. Lawl. I really hope I inspired one of you out there to paint 'LOVEU BITCH' on your nails. DO EET. DO EET NAO. Kthnxbai.


	6. Milk and Cereal Part 2

AN: I have no idea how this fucking happened. But I'm probably going to regret it later.

**Waking Up In Vegas**

Chapter Six – Milk and Cereal (Part 2)

Hoping Kaname could be trusted to complete the simple, assigned task of grabbing a box of cereal, Zero headed down the refrigerated aisle, half dragging a filled cart behind him, while intently studying the black credit card he gingerly held in his fingers. It was delicate and luxurious-looking, like nothing he'd ever owned, and he felt a weird possessiveness over it.

Where the actual hell did Ichiru manage to get a thing like this? It was no wonder his younger twin ended up doing something so twisted and slightly illegal when he had Shizuka raise him. What was he expecting? Milk and cookies and bedtime stories?

_'Speaking of milk...'_Realizing he had been walking and flashing a black card for the last five minutes, Zero hastily shoved the item back into his jeans' pocket, hoping no one had seen him with it, and groaned at the shelf of milk. Kuran was sure taking his sweet time with that cereal. He had better hurry with the milk and look for the cereal aisle to make sure the pureblood hadn't had an aneurism trying to decide what cereal he wanted or something.

Sighing, Zero grudgingly took a moment to consider what kind of milk would be most appropriate for two growing teens and a vampire. Not that he gave a damn what milk that Kuran preferred, even if he did think said pureblood was severely lacking in vitamin D. And that he also needed a tan and to put on some weight. And that he'll need enough nutrients to develop his stupid brain. And that he needs to wear something sometimes that isn't either a collared black shirt, a douchey black coat, or-he didn't give a shit about Kuran, period. It just turned out that he stood for the longest time pondering about what milk he should get for a vampire.

_'Auugghh. Fine. Homogenized it is then.'_He reached to grab the carton, only to have it in his hands for about half a second before it was gone and both his arms were twisted painfully behind his back.

_'What the actual fuck.'_

'Some asshole must have seen the card!',

he deduced, and all the long, hard years of hunter training be damned, his first instinct was to start screaming profanities at the supposed offender. Things were going so well, and for once in his life, he wished something as mundane as grocery shopping would just work out the way he wanted it to.

"I swear to the fucking ancestress I will skin you alive!" He screeched. "You're not taking my fucking money. You can take that carton and shove it up your-"

"Man, Zero, you certainly grew up to be one hell of a dapper gentleman." Zero swore he knew that voice. It was as though he spent a regretfully large chunk of his life listening to it. It was deeper now than he remembered it, no doubt the result of the glorious madam puberty, but it still held that same annoyingly smug tone that always made him want to deliver as precise a right hook as an eleven year-old could muster directly to the speaker's face. "Not to mention you should really work on those reflexes. What the hell has Yagari-shishou been teaching you lately? God."

Takamiya Kaito.

As soon as he was released, Zero took the opportunity to deliver that long-awaited precision right hook right to Kaito's jaw with an audible crack. The older hunter's head snapped to the side so fast, he was afraid he might've hit him too hard and given him whiplash on top of a sore jaw. "Aw, shit. I didn't mean-Are you..." But he changed his course of thought, and his expression hardened visibly. "Give me back my milk."

"Hah. After that? No way." Kaito recovered quickly, rubbing the reddening mark on the right side of his face with one hand and holding the carton with the other, using his height to his advantage as he held it above his head and out of reach. "This is the last one."

Zero turned his heated glare to the shelf beside them to find Kaito was right. It was the last of the homo milk. Sure, he could settle for the 2%. It wasn't like he cared a terrible amount for Kuran's health, but the arrogant smirk on Kaito's face was enough to make him want to steal the carton back out of sheer spite alone.

"Kaito, give me the milk." Zero repeated slowly. "I don't want to have to shoot you."

Kaito simply laughed, striking Zero's last nerve. He no longer held the carton over his head, but in front of them both as though he was trying to mock the other hunter into attack. "You know damn well that wouldn't do anything. And there's no way you would've gotten the Bloody Rose past airport security anyway." Then, he asked very seriously, "What the hell are you doing here?"

Ignoring the sudden concern in Kaito's voice, Zero jerked the milk from the other's grasp and tossed it unceremoniously into the shopping cart like he had intended to. "Cross and his idiot adopted daughter's idea. Me and this other asshole Kuran Kaname, a pureblood, were supposed to be in Disneyland right now but shit happens-" Zero walked casually over to Kaito, who had been trying to snatch the milk from his cart during his explanation, and pinched him hard behind the elbow. "-and now we're stuck here for another two weeks. If we're lucky, we'll make it to California in time to enjoy it for a couple days before we're going back to Japan."

"Wait, what?" Nursing his arm's bend where the pinch was still stinging, Kaito stared with wide eyes at Zero as though he had grown tentacles out the back of his head. "You're with a pureblood? _The_pureblood, Kuran Kaname? Since when did Cross adopt kids?"

And then he added as an afterthought, "What the hell is Disneyland?"

"I don't know! Some place little kids go to-Put the milk down!" Zero grabbed at the carton one again as soon as he saw Kaito's second trial at stealing the milk, and the two tugged it back and forth between them, awkwardly clawing and scratching at the paper box's surface in a form of tug-of-war. "What the hell are _you_doing here?! Shouldn't you be in Japan and going to university like a responsible student or something?"

"Are you implying I'm not here solely for educational purposes?!" Kaito retaliated vehemently, making a show of how offended he was by Zero's comment on his lack of responsibility.

"What kind of educational thing could _you_possibly be doing in Vegas? You probably just ran away from home again so you could go sleep with hookers-"

"Hey, watch it! What do I look like to you? I was only propositioned for sex four times today and not once was it by a hooker."

"Trust me when I say I know a hooker when I see one", Zero growled, obviously irritated by the whole ordeal and wanting desperately to just take the milk and go home. "Hell, I'm living with one."

"WHAT?"

Seeing his initial shock as an advantage on his part, Zero claimed the opening in the other hunter's defence with open arms, delivering a well-place kick right to Kaito's groin while prying the milk carton from his clutches before he doubled over in pain and started whining pitifully on the floor.

"You...!" Kaito hissed and snarled but otherwise made no attempt to roll off the ground as Zero stood over him with the trophy and a smirk. "Sweet mother of-Why would you do that to another living, breathing male, bro? That is just... Ah, god."

"Sorry, man." Zero apologized sincerely, but didn't offer to help him up. "You know, I'd always hoped that if we ever met again, our reunion would go a little more smoothly. But right now, I'm afraid this milk belongs to me."

"I understand", came the weak reply.

But just as Zero was turning around, prize in hand, with the intention of placing it in the cart where he believed it rightfully belonged, his legs were kicked out from underneath him, and he was sent sprawling to the floor in a manner no more graceful than Kaito was. The precious carton slipped from his grasp as he inelegantly fell and landed right by his head where he swore it exploded. The carton rolled innocently away after spilling half its contents and covering his face along with the better part of his shirt with milk.

"Fuck," Zero swore, after a long, drawn-out sigh. Now he was wet and his back was sore. Was a person like him really not allowed to do something as simple as buy some milk?

"And that's payback!" Kaito shouted bitterly from no more than three feet away.

A tired employee briskly walked past the two young men, who were still on the ground and pain, with a mop and bit out a miserable, "Clean-up on aisle seven. Spilt homo."

With a pained groan, Kaito pushed himself off the floor and dusted off the knees of his jeans. He walked over and offered a hand to Zero, who swatted it away in a huff and cursed his mother. "You know, I'm going to be nice this time and just not ask. And just so you know, Zero, I'm actually sent here on a mission." He said. "I'm not just in it for the women or the pretty lights. So far, I've got no luck finding my target. But since you're here you might as well do something useful with your time, instead of making waffles for that pampered Kuran leech, or hooker, or whatever the hell he is."

Zero didn't resist the urge to roll his eyes. What the hell did Kaito know about the waffles, anyway?

"Here, catch." Kaito tossed what looked like a small business card to Zero, who caught it in midair and looked down at it to read.

_'The Bunny Palace  
Applications-'_

"I swear to fucking god I'm not interested in-"

Kaito slapped himself in the forehead. "Turn it over."

Zero did. He looked at the numbers scrawled onto the back of the card with distaste, but nonetheless pocketed it.

"That's my number. Make sure to keep it safe, because many fight to get but few actually do." Kaito walked over to the refrigerated shelf once more and plucked another carton off of it. "On second thought, I should just go with the 2%, shouldn't I?"

At that instant, Zero began to see red.

"Call me!" Kaito shouted after a quick wave and quickly disappeared from Zero's line of sight.

"I'm not fucking calling you!"

TBC


	7. Plum Purple

**Warning:** the following chapter contains excessive usage of Internet culture references, possible plot development, and the spelling of "colour" with a "u". Please read with caution.

* * *

**Waking Up In Vegas**

Chapter Seven - Plum Purple

* * *

_"What do you mean 'you're leaving'?!"_

Kaname and Zero found themselves with a strange sense of déjà vu as they stared with wide eyes at the figure of Ichiru, currently standing by the doorway looking fabulous with his rhinestoned suitcases and duffel bag by his feet. He was apparently going to leave on a so-called "business trip" and wasn't going to be back for a week.

"Chill, chill," Ichiru waved a dismissing, equally as fabulous hand at them, as though to brush away all their concerns. "You can still stay here, and the grocery shopping has been done. I trust you. No problem? No problem."

"What do you mean no prob-?!"

"Shh. No words, brother. No words."

"But-"

"No words now."

"Well, I guess you're right." Zero said with a sigh, pulling out the credit card he had been fingering in his pocket and looked at it lovingly. This little piece of plastic in his palm right now was his life line and he thanked god Ichiru hadn't shown any signs of wanting it back for his leave yet. "At least I have this."

"Oh right, you do." Ichiru stalked over to his twin and snatched the card from his fingers. "Forgot about that. I'll be taking this with me, if you don't mind."

"What-"

"Bye, lovelies!"

And he was gone.

...

"I suppose we'll need a job again, don't we?"

"Yes, _Kaname_, we do."

"And I don't suppose you would-"

"I'm not stripping."

If he hadn't known better, Zero might've pointed out the fact that Kaname suddenly sounded disappointed. "Have any ideas then?"

He didn't. Zero suddenly felt a strong sense of longing for the credit card he'd grown so attached to. They were broke once again and he already began to miss the feeling smooth, shiny plastic in his pocket.

Wait a minute.

His pocket. He had something important in there. Hastily, Zero dug through his pockets, while taking note of how deep they were for some unknown reason, and was able to fish out two paperclips, a box of blood tablets, his wallet, a pack of gum-for any situation where he'd need to Excel-erate his breath, and of course, the crumpled business card he only received a day ago. The latter was the important thing! Well, not the card, but what was written on it. His eyes lit up with opportunity as he held it with almost shaking hands.

Kaname peered curiously over Zero's shoulder at the slip of paper, and noticed the numbers messily scratched onto it. Before he could make an inquiry about it, however, Zero had already produced a phone out of thin air and begun dialing as though his life depended on it.

Somewhere a phone rang. Once. Twice.

_"Hello? What, who is this? What do you want?"_

Zero grimaced at the muffled voice coming from the receiving end. Kaito was slurring and he could make out the sounds of men shouting and various objects being either dropped or thrown across the room in the background. Where the hell was Kaito, at a bar? Hah. On a mission? Being responsible? As if. The bastard was probably drunk out of his mind. Zero rolled his eyes and tried not to make his exasperated sigh too obvious trough the phone. "Kaito? It's me. I was wondering if-"

_"Dammit, for the last time, Ichiru, will you stop calling me?! I don't want to have sex with you-"_ Kaito stopped mid-sentence to hiccup and start hacking his lungs out from choking on his own saliva_. "-and it's never going to work out between us!"  
_  
What the actual fuck.

"It's Zero."

A long, painful silence passed between them. If it weren't for Kaito's incessant coughing over the line, Zero would've thought he'd been hung up on.

_"Well, then."_ Kaito finally said, his voice suddenly becoming more stable as the sound of his coughing died down. He cleared his throat and seemed to be loosening his collar nervously, from what Zero can tell by the rustling of clothing. _"This conversation has become sufficiently awkward. Have I ever told you how similar you two sound?"  
_  
"We're twins." Zero deadpanned.

"Is there a second phone set around here?" Kaname rummaged through the house like a starved animal looking for bacon, searching for another phone, which he really should be having an easier time finding but wasn't. He was itching to have in on the conversation.

"There should be one in the kitchen!" Zero shouted back. "You know what, Kaito, I'm just going to be nice this time and just not ask."  
_  
"Good call. What do you want? Chose to take up my offer?"  
_  
"For a price."

"I can't find it!" Kaname shouted from the kitchen, throwing open cupboards and drawers and inspecting the rows of freshly placed soups cans and cutlery suspiciously.

"Why are you looking in the cupboards?! Check the goddamn counter!"

Kaito took a long pause. He muttered something along the lines of 'I knew it' and could be heard taking another swig of whatever alcohol it was he was drinking, proving he wasn't anywhere near finishing drowning all his sorrows for the night. _"Alright, fine. Name your price. How many blowjobs-"_

"What was that I heard about blowjobs?"  
_  
"None of your hooker business! Get off the line!"  
_  
_'Oh for god's sake...'_Kaname listened in with a smug smirk plastered on his face, finally able to plug in the phone in Ichiru's kitchen, and Zero hadn't repressed the urged to groan aloud. "Ew, no. No blo-none of that. I just want half your paycheck."

Kaito sounded like he was throwing up.

"Okay, forty percent then. Give me the details."

The sound of Kaito heaving in the background ceased and he cleared his throat of bile dramatically. Finally taking their conversation a little more seriously, he spoke slowly and steadily, and Zero swore his voice dropped three octaves. _"Now, I really shouldn't be telling you this before we meet in person, but since I know it'll interest you...my target is a pureblood vampire."  
_  
Zero whistled. "Shit, who was the idiot who decided to put _you _in charge of a job like this?"

_"Are you doubting me? Are you actually _doubting_ me?"_

"I always doubt you."  
_  
"Well fuck you, Zero!"_ Kaito snapped, his voice suddenly three octaves back up. He quickly cleared his throat again upon realizing his blunder, and returned to baritone_. _

_"There's been reports of some kind of infected blood tablets going around, and apparently they're being fed to humans in and around the club scene. It causes them to become increasingly strong-and fast-sometimes violent, even like a Level E in behaviour. But still with a considerable amount of their sanity intact. At least for now."  
_  
Zero and Kaname shot each other a skeptical glance. "I think those are called steroids, Kaito."

_"Totally not the same thing, man. Because vampires. Vampires make it different. You don't even _know."

Zero rolled his eyes. Perhaps it was the best to at least humour him. "Okay, so someone's roofied a bunch of humans and made them go batshit insane by OD-ing on vampire steroids. How are you so sure it's a pureblood?"  
_  
"Only a pureblood's... well, blood is strong enough to influence behaviour that way."_ Kaito explained as-a-matter-of-factly, showing no sign of quitting his 'serious baritone' getup. _"Any other level vampire's blood just doesn't have the right properties to change someone like that, especially indirectly like in blood tablets."_

"He's right." Kaname added. "And even noble vampires wouldn't have any motivation to do this, since, unless under extremely special circumstances, a pureblood's will can overrule their attempts to gain dominance through a level E army. So any nobles or lower level vampires involved are probably also under the influence of he pureblood."

Then he continued as an afterthought, "And for anyone who hasn't caught on yet, purebloods are always responsible for drama. It's like we're all bored or something."

Zero snickered in agreement. "What do you have to say for yourself then, Kaname?"

"I still have the right to remain silent."

_"Woah there. First name basis?"_Kaito, despite being drunk, still managed to catch Zero's slip of tongue, though his comment was ignored.

"So it's a pureblood. Why did the association send you on this mission alone?"

_"Are you doubting me again, or are you just worried?"_

"Well I'm certainly not worried."  
_  
"Aw, don't be shy, Zero. Senpai has noticed you."_

"Fuck you, Kaito."

_"I told you I don't get propositioned for sex by hookers."_

"Wait, what-"

_"I was able to get some samples of the infected blood tablets from one of the regular junkies, but haven't been able to trace them back to a source yet. If you want, you and Kuran can stop by my place tomorrow and see what you can figure out. I'll send you an address later and-"_

"Sure. Go home, Kaito. You're drunk."

Kaito was hung up on. The line went dead, and Zero damn near broke the phone once it did. Though, upon realizing the fact that it didn't belong to him and he'd most definitely have to pay for it later, he decided it was probably best not to.

* * *

The following morning, Zero and an increasingly sleep deprived Kaname, found themselves by Kaito's front door, which Kaname noted was a hideous shade of plum purple and did not at all match the wallpaper and spent a good seven minutes refusing to enter unless someone adjusted the colour scheme. Hearing the commotion outside his apartment, Kaito, who was thankfully sober this time, swung the door open and stared incredulously at the duo in front of him.

"Why the hell did you bring _him_?" He asked, quirking an eyebrow at Kaname, who wasn't completely done criticizing the decorating job. "And are you _mocking_the colour of my door?"

_"You-!"_Kaname's eyes widened in a sudden recognition that Zero didn't quite understand. "Well, you're certainly no Martha Stewart, I'll say." He spat, jerking his nose up towards the sky.

"There's no need to insult me for me for the colours I didn't _choose_." Kaito retorted, looking very ready to inflict bodily harm on the offending vampire in front of him. His chainsaw was in the supply closest no more than two feet away from him. And he was sure no one overseas would notice if a certain pureblood went missing one day. "It's pretty unethical to discriminate against people for their decorating skills, I should mention."

"Says the guy who's probably guilty of countless Van Helsing hate crimes."

"Well, _excuse _me for hating on gross as all fuck humanoid abominations that chew on people's limbs and feed on their bodily fluids. No offense, Zero."

"None taken." Zero replied not without sarcasm.

"Oh, no. Terribly sorry." Kaname continued in a much similar vein. "I suppose you're right after all. It isn't the colour choice, although still nauseating, that disgusts me. It's your _presence_."

"That's it. You've done it. I've had enough shit from you."

Before Kaito could lunge through the doorway and unleash a can of top-ten-hunter of the association kickass on Kaname, Zero casually pulled the pureblood out of the line of attack and indirectly placed himself between the two bickering males before flicking Kaito in the forehead. "Pardon me for intruding, but don't you think we have more important things to deal with? And I don't suppose either of you need an introduction... seeing as how you're such good friends already.

"There's no need." Kaito seconded, running a hand through his hair with an annoyed sigh so that it would look the way it was before he got so worked up over what the pureblood thought about the colour of his door. "The association had me friend all the purebloods on Facebook under the guise of a regular human to help me with the mission. All the photos of food and cam-whoring aside, do you not realize the irony behind a pureblood saying YOLO?"

"I don't have multiple lives, you twat." Kaname protested, absolutely baffled by the less favourable hunter who had made such outrages assumptions about the nature of his lifespan _and _his lifestyle. He could say it was borderline racism! "Just an extremely long, continuous one. Except for when magic or resurrection is involved, then I can come back from the dead because technically my body doesn't decompose and-"

"I'm unfriending you on Facebook."

"Unfriend me! I couldn't possibly care less."

"We are never playing FarmVille together agai-"

"Can you both do me a favour and shut the fuck up?"

"Oh, right. Of course." Kaito stepped back inside and held the hideous plum purple door wide for his 'guests'.

"Thanks." Zero said, dragging an absolutely livid Kaname behind him, who was swearing to "Pimp My Door" the hell out of Kaito's apartment. The two were ushered in and awkwardly tried to share the armchair, built for one person of course, that they were gestured to. Zero settled on sitting on the armrest and stared across the living room at Kaito, who was in front of them all by himself on a sofa meant for three.

"What the fuck, man."

"You like?" Kaito purred, stroking the arm of the upholstered seat as though it were his lover. "Real leather. Just bought her last week and carried her up here myself. This baby smells like a freshly slaughtered cow and I am not letting you touch her."

Zero made a disgusted face at the description. "Okay. Gross."

"Well, this chair isn't that bad after all. You can always just sit-"

"I am not sitting on your lap, Kuran."

"That's okay."

"So, where are those blood tablets you wanted us to take a look at?" Zero asked, mildly disturbed and quickly wanting to change the topic to something he was more comfortable with. The prospect of slaughtered cows and sitting on Kaname's lap or vice versa was not very pleasant.

"Yeah. Just one sec." Kaito disappeared into his darkened room, and upon peering through the door which was ajar, Zero could see that it was lit only by lamps and the walls were covered in various Polaroid photographs and newspaper clippings all connected by a series of web-like, red strings. Spooky.

Kaito emerged from the room a moment later, slamming the door shut with suspicious haste, and returned to his precious couch with a small, black box which he kept in a plastic bag in his hand. It looked almost identical to the boxes of blood tablets they were supplied with at the academy, the only difference being its lack of a label, as it did not adorn the standard Cross Academy crest. "Well, this is it. Knock yourself out."

Kaname held out his hand for the box, only to have it withdrawn from him. "Why-"

"Hey," Kaito warned, holding the box of reach like a mother to her young child who attempted to eat glue. "Nobody said I have to trust you with this. Leave this kind of job to the _hunters_. We do this _well_. So don't stick your grimy mitts where they don't belong."

Zero sighed for what he felt like the umpteenth time that day. "Kaito, for crying out loud. It's fine. Just let him-"

"No way, Zero. There's no fucking way I'm letting a vampire get in the way of our mission."

"But it takes a pureblood to _know _a pureblood." Zero countered.

"That's exactly why in opposing this idea entirely. Who's to say he won't face-heel-turn on us? He's a hooker after all."

"_Excuse me_. But we Kurans are classy as _hell_." Feeling insulted for both himself and his lineage, Kaname tore the pack from Kaito's grasp and more or less stuck his face it in, taking a long drag of the contents. He stayed that way for a good half-minute. "What is this? Smells like piss."

Kaito raised an eyebrow, arms crossed, at the pureblood currently trying to do what he could only describe as inhaling the box of pills. A look of repulsion crossed his features briefly. He didn't exactly find the tablets in the most sanitary of places. All this time he was reluctant to even open the box, and did so as little as possible, yet that Kuran already has it stuffed in his face. "Careful there, Kuran. You might accidentally snort one of them."

"Here, give me a minute!" Momentarily forgetting how offended he was by Kaito's comment earlier, Zero shook the box out of Kaname's hands hastily, almost dropping some of the pills as they spilled out of the still open lid, in order to get a whiff of it himself. His sense of smell of wasn't as strong as a pureblood like Kaname, but the scent-or rather odour-was very much detectable. Further shoving his snout into the box, much to Kaito's disgust, he could tell apart a few distinct things: cheap liquor, sweat... And fluids of the unmentionable sort, which were much too familiar to his sensitive nose.

Wait. Hadn't he...? No. It couldn't be.

"You don't mean..." Zero's eyes widened beyond their capacity for a split second, and he nearly dropped the damn box. "There's no fucking way."

"What it is? Let me see!" Not willing to be kept in the dark from whatever it was Zero had realized, Kaname pulled back the blood tablets and inhaled it once more.

"Oh for god's sake." Kaito let out an aggravated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose with a little more force than necessary. "Can you guys _stop _doing that?" When he looked back up at the other two with him, however, he realized the vampires in his apartment were both apparently in a comatose state from sheer shock.

"What the hell? What is it now?!"

"Where..." Zero started, very slowly, not quite seeming like he had truly awoken from his sudden stupor. "...did you find these?"

Kaito blinked. "I don't know. In the back alley of some sketchy club called 'Acid Neon Pink Rose' or some shit like that. Couldn't get fingerprints off it or anything. The blood I've extracted from the tablets doesn't match any of the DNA files of any purebloods we have in the database, either. But it's definitely strong stuff. Why? What'd you find?"

Zero and Kaname looked at each other with a nervous glance, and then turned back to Kaito, both very obviously uneasy and distressed with the new revelation that they hadn't told him. "We... It seems like the culprit probably wasn't expecting other vampires to be on the case. Didn't bother hiding the scent or anything." Zero said, treating the subject a lot more delicately than Kaito was comfortable with.

"Now, don't get the wrong idea," Kaname began carefully. "But the scent is very familiar. We've most likely been in the place it came from to be able to recognize it so strongly."

"Will you two fucking spit it out already?! You know where it came from, don't you?"

_"The Bunny Palace."_

At that point then, both Kaname and Zero knew they were utterly and completely screwed into next week.

* * *

_ELSEWHERE_

A few dozen people, both male and female and all dressed minimally as though they only had one outfit and had to share, were gathered around a long dining table, drinks in hand and suspicious pills abound. They giggled and slurred, drunk and high out of their minds, as they feasted and chattered amongst themselves. A man was sitting at the end of the table on an embellished throne, an ostentatious display of his status and power.

His dark plum locks against his pale white skin glowed in the darkened room. He was handsome, but in an undeniably monstrous way. His eyes flashed, like amethysts in the night sky, as his lips pulled back in a crude grin.

He shot a glance at the one beside him, a silver-haired young man adorning a mask who was also his right hand man, and immediately the other chimed a fork against his wine glass to silence the crowd. Now with his acquaintances' full attention-or as much attention as he could get from them while they were completely stoned, Romero's voice reverberated through the dining hall like a hot knife to butter.

"So, I bet you're all wondering why I've gathered you here today..."

TBC


End file.
